first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
