I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I had to cum in my sink.
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