RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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