and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
