Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
