I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
