grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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