Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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