Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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