sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
