So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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