Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
