My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
