last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
