so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
