Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
