did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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