I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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