I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
