I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
do nipples grow back?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
