The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
