Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
