dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
