dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
