mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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