I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
