I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
