This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
