He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
