I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
