S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
