if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
