I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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