Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
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