My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found your dick twin last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
