Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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