Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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