sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
