She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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