walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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