We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
