he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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