Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
