Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
