so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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