if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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