Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
