Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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