So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
