last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
