I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
