Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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